This chapter is Rated PG 13 (Adult themes)
Author’s note: Sorry this chapter took longer than usual to come out. I’ve been very busy with work and haven’t had much simming time. 😦 This chapter was originally longer. I had it all typed out and ready to publish earlier. I was in my final proofreading stage when my web browser went poof and I lost more than half of what I had written. Normally it auto saves at regular intervals, but not this time. Such a bummer. I thought I had saved manually, but I guess I was just on a roll and forgot too. I tried to remember exactly what I wrote, but I’m not exactly happy with it now, and pretty pissed off for having to type everything over again, so I hope the chapter is ok anyways. Ugh. Stupid internet. *Growls*
Sleep eluded me, leaving me restless and irritable as the sun rose over the horizon, enveloping me in its demonic yellow glow. With hooded bloodshot eyes I stared out the window, wishing more than anything the earth would stop spinning on its axis, and I would simply cease to exist.
I’d always been a sporadic sleeper, in times of stress it wasn’t uncommon for me to get a proper nights rest, but last night was a new low. Even for me. I tossed and turned all night, and when that didn’t work, I resulted to pacing back and forth through my tiny apartment, wearing a pathway into my threadbare carpet. I tried counting fluffy barn mammals, counting until I was extremely pissed off and ready to start shooting the sheep with a shotgun full of lead.
A three-hour bath with my favorite bath oils did little to sooth my nerves, but at least my skin felt smooth and I smelled nice. All my usual remedies failed. miserably.
As I stood, the room tilted sideways and I reached out holding onto the wall, the other hand clutching my stomach. I gagged, and tried not to black out. Was pregnancy supposed to be like this? Or was I just extremely unlucky?
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, and the nausea quickly settled, leaving me relieved, yet still feeling week. The lack of sleep certainly wasn’t helping, and I had the feeling that the next nine months were going to be agonizing.
I found myself at Mika’s house an hour later after agonizing over what to wear. What is the proper dress code for telling your one night stand you are pregnant with his baby? I laughed, the sound harsh and bitter as I stared off into the distance perched on his front porch step.
Truthfully, I was relieved Mika wasn’t home yet, this gave me ample time to go over my speech, and prepare myself to deliver the news, without totally breaking down and sobbing like a life time movie. If only I had note cards…
It’s not right to bombard Mika with this news the minute he gets home. He works midnights and he’s probably exhausted, I thought my hands twisting my dress into knots. He deserves to know, and its better to just get this over and done with.
I had my head in my hands looking down at the porch steps that badly needed a new paint job when I heard a car door shut. I looked up to see Mika walking across the patchy grass towards me with a slight smile on his face, his hair brushed back away from his face instead of his usual style. As usual, he was stunning to look at, and even though he had worked all night, he looked wide-eyed and alert, his dark eyes intense under heavy brows.
“Hey.” He said in way of greeting. He was not a man of many words, but that’s what I loved about him. We could spend hours together doing absolutely nothing, and not having to worry about filling up the space with useless conversation about boring meaningless subjects that neither of us cared about, we could just be, and enjoy each others company.
“Hey.” I said back, biting down on my lower lip suddenly feeling awkward. God, this was going to be hard. I thought feeling tears well up behind my eyelids.
I stood. “We need to talk. It’s important.” My heart fluttered with nerves. I felt like I was going to have a stroke.
“Ok?” Mika’s face looked concerned. “everything alright?” He went to brush a strand of hair away from my face, his fingers were warm as they brushed the side of my face.
“No.” I said simply. My eyes filled up with tears at his concern and touch. My skin felt branded from where he briefly touched the side of my face.
“I’ve tried calling you the last couple of days, but I figured you just needed your space to sort shit out on your own. I hope you didn’t think I was upset with you. Madeline, you are the most important person in my life, and I just wanted you to know that.” Mika began. “I feel like a chump saying that, we haven’t even known each other for very long, but I already feel like I’ve known you for years…”
“It’s not that. You’re right. I did need my space, but things…aren’t good, and I need you right now.” The tears spilled over my cheeks. Why did this have to be so hard?
“Well I’m here.” Mika said stepping close enveloping me in his warm body heat, that felt like stepping in to a nice warm bath…
“You wont be when you hear what I have to say.” I looked down at the ground and cleared my throat nervously.
“Now I doubt that.” Mika smiled at me softly, his expression concerned.
“There’s no really easy way to say this, but I’m going to come right out and say it. I’m pregnant Mika, and the baby is yours.” It felt good to say those words, like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. For good or bad, it was out in the open now.
Mika was silent for a minute, an unreadable expression flitted across his face. Please say something, I thought feeling the tears stream down my face.
“You’re sure?” His dark eyes met mine.
“Pretty sure.” I bit my lip again. “I took a test that was positive and I’ve been throwing up, I know that’s gross and probably TMI, but yeah….I’m pretty sure.” I laughed, the sound hallow and bitter. “Say something.” I begged. “Anything.”
“Wow…” Mika looked shell-shocked, his eyes going vacant and stared past me. “I don’t really know what to say right now.”
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, knowing that it takes two to tango, but feeling like this was all my fault like my stupid ovaries were the ones to blame.
I closed my eyes. Silence. It was like for a moment the earth stood still, and I felt my heart crush like a beer can at a frat party. Then I felt the touch of his hand stroke my cheek, and him whisper gently to me. “Shhh…it’s going to be alright.” Suddenly the world was full of sound, the birds chirping overhead, and the distant sound of a dog barking. The world was alive again, and so was I.
“You don’t blame me?” I cried with relief as Mika held me, leaning forward and pressing his lips against my forehead.
“Do you forget that I had something to do with this also?” Mika laughed. “If we were sorting out the blame, I deserve my own equal share.”
Suddenly his lips claimed mine and I clung to him with relief. His familiar scent invaded my senses, and I clung to him like a life raft. I don’t know if it was the hormones, or the relief, but suddenly I wanted nothing more but to throw him down on the step and have my way with him. That thought dropped me back to earth. Rudely. Riley. Him and I were over, it just wasn’t official yet, between my mom drama, and my pregnancy drama I just hadn’t officially broken up with him yet. That was number one on my list of things to do, second of which, try to get my mother off of drugs. I’m not sure what was going to be the hardest.
I bit my lip, not wanting Mika to know that I was still technically unavailable. I just wanted to enjoy the moment and for a little while, feel normal again.
“We probably should talk about this huh.” Mika said grabbing my hand and leading me up the porch steps to a white bench in bad need of a new paint job.
“There is a lot to talk about. That’s for sure.” I said laying down next to Mika, putting my head into his lap. I felt warm and drowsy, I wanted nothing more to just not talk for a while, and close my eyes and enjoy being near Mika.
“So what comes next?” Mika said quietly, stroking the top of my head and playing with a long strand of my hair.
“I really don’t know. I need to make a doctor’s appointment first. Confirm the pregnancy, and get started on prenatal vitamins I guess.” I yawned, my jaw cracking loudly. “Mika, you don’t have to do this.” I began.
His face above mine looked down at me puzzled, his brow furrowed. “Do what?”
“Act like this is fine. I can do this on my own. I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t handle this, and wanted a clean break. I promise I wont make your life miserable. I can do this on my own.” I said stubbornly.
“You crazy woman.” He smiled down at me grabbing my hand and twisting it up with his. “This baby is both our doing, and I could never live with myself if I abandoned you or the baby. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m a man who lives up to his responsibilities. Now, I agree the timing isn’t perfect, and it’s not going to be easy. God it’s not going to be easy, but we’ll make it.”
“But I just don’t want to be a responsibility.” I said, feeling my eyes fill up with tears once more. I felt like a burden, like the baby and I were some sort of obligation he had to fulfill.
“Your psyching yourself out, Madeline.” Mika whispered. “Your stressed, and I know that. But stop thinking that you’re an obligation. Your anything but. I wanted you the minute I saw you at that bar. Even though I was trashed, and you were too. I was still with it enough to know a good thing when I saw it.”
His words filled my chest with warmth, and I cried again. This time from happiness.
I sat up and faced Mika. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” I laughed slightly.
He smirked. “I have my good moments I guess.”
For awhile we didn’t speak, lost in the quiet and stillness of the morning. I thought about the baby growing in my womb, that at this stage was probably the size of a grain of rice.
His muscular arm wrapped around my shoulder, and I shrugged closer towards him, leaning my head against his shoulder. I sighed with contentment, glad that I had told him the truth. Things were still far from perfect, but we’d make it. Somehow.
“My sister came to visit.” I said finally to break the silence. I laughed, still not used to saying those words.
“Oh?” Mika raised an eyebrow, and gave me a quick peck on the forehead. “What did she want?”
I yawned. “My mother is on drugs again, and Melody believes that I’ll be able to talk some sense into her.” I laughed lightly.
“I think if your mother can be reached somehow, you’ll be the one who could do it…” Mika smiled down at me in his reassuring way.
“I just have so much to deal with right now…” I began. “This shit is the last thing I need…”
“I know. But it will be ok.” Mika said quietly. “It will.”
“How can you be so confident?” I asked trying to smile.
“Because everything always turns out the way its supposed too in the end.” Mika smiled, then lowered his lips to claim mine.
My mind was a jumble of emotions as I kissed Madeline trying to block the troubled thoughts. Sure, I put on a brave face, like everything was ok and would all work out in the end, and I believed that, but it wasn’t going to be easy…not by a long shot.
“Wow…” Madeline said as our lips parted, her cheeks flushed with color, and her eyes slightly glazed over.
I stretched and yawned, the long night catching up with me suddenly. I tried to hide the yawn behind my hand, but Madeline was ever observant. “Oh your probably so tired, you’ve been working all night, and here I am keeping you awake.”
“It’s just been a long night.” I agreed. “I probably should get some rest. Not that I’ll get any sleep after this news. I thought, feeling guilty for wanting some time to myself so I could process this news on my own.
“I’ll call you later.” I said as the taxi pulled up in front of my house, its engine idling. I felt bad for not driving Madeline home, but she insisted on calling the taxi company so I could get some rest.
“Ok.” Madeline said quietly, her expression sad. I can tell she wanted to stay, and half of me wanted her too, but the other half needed to be alone for a while. I didn’t want her to worry, so I plastered a smile on my face, even though my stomach was twisted up in a knot of anxiety.
“Bye Mika.” Madeline whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Get some sleep.”
“Will do.” I smiled tightly and opened the door for her as she climbed into the car.
I sighed with relief as I watched her car round the corner heading towards downtown.
exhaustion made my legs seem like bricks as I trudged back into the house alone. I pulled the shades and flopped down onto my bed, to bone weary to change out of my jeans.
I rubbed my eyes and closed them, throwing my arm behind my head.
All I could think about was my one bedroom dump of house, and my shitty bartending job that barely paid the bills. What did I have to offer Madeline and the baby? Maybe they were better off without me, after all what did I know about being a father anyway? I had grown up in an abusive household, my younger brother Matthew and I watching my mother get beat until we were old enough to take the beatings for her. What did I know about being a good father, or husband?
I sat up rubbing my blood-shot eyes. I really was no better than my father. I had nothing to offer Madeline and the baby. They would be better without me…
Pull your head out of your ass, Mika. I told myself sternly. Madeline, and the baby deserve better.
My cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I looked at the caller ID and felt my blood run cold like my blood had turned to ice water in my veins. For a brief panic-stricken moment, I debated on rejecting the call, but knew instantly that would be a huge mistake.
“I told you I was done.” I growled in ways of greeting.
“I have a job for you.” The voice on the other end said smoothly.
“What part of ‘I’m done’ don’t you understand.” I asked.
“Your done, when I say your done. You wouldn’t want anything to happen to that pretty little blond that stopped by this morning would you?” The voice said cheerfully like we were discussing the weather. “Meet me in our usual spot, twenty minutes. Don’t be late.”
There was an audible click as he hung up the phone leaving me feeling like I was going to throw up.
I pulled on a pair of dark combat boots, and placed my dark beanie over my head feeling my stomach churn with nerves as I pulled out a metal lockbox out of the bottom drawer. With no hesitation I pulled out my Glock and tucked it into the waistband of my jeans praying like hell I wouldn’t have to use it….