1.12 Self Pity
This chapter is Rated PG 13 (Strong language, and adult content)
Author’s note: This chapter might seem a little boring after the last one I promise things will get more exciting soon! I hope you enjoy it anyways 🙂 Please pardon my crappy photo editing in a couple of the pictures. You’ll see what I mean. Haha. Oh yeah. I also got off my lazy bum and added pictures to the family tree. There are a few blank spots without pictures, due to the fact that either a character hasn’t been introduced yet, or they are dead. Click HERE to view the family tree.
I was turning into a hermit. Only a few days had passed since I met my mother, when I found out who she truly was, an evil bitch who didn’t have one maternal bone in her body. I cut everyone out. Mika, Janice, Riley, all of whom had called repeatedly to check up on me to see how I was doing. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone, to wallow in my own self pity.
A knock on the door dropped me cruelly back into the land of reality, making my pen jump across the white paper, leaving an angry black streak across the pristine page. I glared at the door, silently willing whoever it was to turn back and leave me the hell alone.
Another knock, louder this time.
I sighed. It was only a matter of time before someone came to check on me. Did I really expect I could hide out in the safety of my own apartment forever?
I sighed and set my notebook down on the end table, and walked to the door quietly, hoping that they would give up, and assume I wasn’t home. I looked out the tiny peep-hole, and got the shock of my life. Melody. My half-sister! What was she doing here? How did she know where I lived?
“Your door is paper-thin.” Melody said dryly. “I can hear you breathing. I’m not going away until you see me.”
I unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door with a loud groan. Melody tapped her foot impatiently and stepped around me into my living room.
“Well come on in I guess.” I commented, slightly annoyed to have her just stroll into my apartment unannounced. Melody looked perfect, not a blond hair out-of-place. Standing next to her I was hyper aware that I had been wearing the same clothes, although comfy for the past couple days while I wallowed in my own misery. At least I had showered and brushed my hair. Melody looked very fashionable with her casual dress and string of pearls that probably cost more than a month’s rent on this shitty little apartment.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, smoothing down the front of my wrinkled shirt with shame.
“So this is where you live huh?” Melody commented, looking around with a look of utter disdain. Imagine her look if she would have seen the apartment before I made it over, I thought with a small smile.
“Speaking of which.” I said, a little more crossly then I intended. “How did you find my apartment? You don’t look like the type that comes down to this side of town very often.”
“I’m resourceful.” Melody smirked at me. “I asked around, it wasn’t hard.”
“Well if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.” I said opening the door so Melody could get the hint and leave. She didn’t.
“I went to school with Zoe you know.” Melody said examining her perfect nails.
“I feel sorry for you.” I said honestly. “Zoe isn’t exactly one of my biggest fans.”
“Well see, we have something in common.” Melody grinned, her eyes lighting up. “Did you know she used to be fat?”
“No I didn’t.” I shook my head. “And I don’t get why that matters, and I’m not guessing you came here because we both share an extreme dislike of my ex roommate. So get to the point already, I’m really not in the mood for visitors right now.”
“Yeah you said that already.” Melody grinned, dropping her purse down by the door and walking towards the couch.
“You really need an interior decorator.” She commented looking around my small apartment that was probably the size of her walk in closet.
“You really know how to make a girl feel special.” I huffed, feeling slightly insulted. “Not everyone grew up rich like you.”
Melody didn’t comment, and just continued to look around my apartment, not bothering to hide her look of disgust.
“So you never said. How did you find me?” I asked leaning back into the sofa, hoping that Melody wasn’t sitting on one of the springs that popped out of the cheap sofa.
Melody sighed, looking annoyed. “I asked around town about you, and that led me to Zoe’s house. She’s not one of your biggest fans that’s for sure.” Melody laughed. “She told me where your apartment was, then gave me a message for you.”
“And what was that?” I pinched the bridge of my nose to stem off my headache.
“Go fuck yourself.” Melody laughed. “Still the same classy Zoe from high school.”
“Why does she hate you so much anyways?” Melody asked, her face rapt with attention like a bloodhound on the scent for fresh gossip.
“It’s a long story.” I sighed, not caring. This was old news. My past issues with Zoe seemed very far away. “Look, tell me why you’re here. You obviously didn’t come to talk about Zoe, or to insult my apartment, so spill.”
She sighed. “I need your help.” She looked at me with defeat.
I looked at my half-sister blankly. Here was a girl who looked like she had everything in life handed to her on a silver platter and she needed help from me? “From me?” I asked incredulously, not disguising my look of complete shock.
“I know what you must think of me.” Melody began, looking up at me with big blue eyes. “Here’s a girl who looks like she has everything, but my life isn’t perfect. Anything but actually.” She stared down into her lap, then looked back up at me, her eyes shimmering with tears that clung to her thick lashes.
“I heard what my mother said to you. That’s not her, it’s the drugs. She isn’t like that, so cruel and hateful, but her life is falling apart. My dad is at his wit’s end, and they are on a brink of divorce.” Melody continued.
“I don’t know how I could help.” I admitted. “Your mother obviously could care less about me, and told me she wished she aborted me. I’m the last person who could help you.”
“That’s not true.” Melody cried out. “If you could just talk to her, and get her to admit she has a drug problem, maybe she’d listen to you.”
“If life at home is so miserable, why don’t you just leave?” I wondered, not at all feeling sorry for my mother. She made her bed, now she can lie in it.
“I’ve wanted too, and almost have a few times. It’s not that easy. My little brother, our little brother, Mason. He’s ten. What would happen to Mason if I left?”
“Your dad?” I asked.
“Works all the time. He’s never home. He’s a very busy man. Most of the time, it’s just Mason and I, and mom of course when she’s actually dressed and out of bed. Most of the time she’s god knows where, and comes back smelling like a goddamn crack house.”
I folded my hands into my lap feeling a twinge of pity course through my body. Obviously there was more to Melody then I first realized, and it was not only I, who was affected by my mothers shitty parenting skills.
“Most of the time she doesn’t even make dinner. I do all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, all the house work. If it wasn’t for me, the house would fall apart. We used to have staff who cleaned the house every other day, but I had to let them go because they were starting to catch on that my mom is a drug user. She’s high all the time, around Mason, my dad. Everybody. She just doesn’t care. The day you came over was one of her good days. She was out of bed, and actually brushed her hair and put on clean clothes. But ever since you left its been worse. I don’t even know where she is or if she’s even alive.”
The room started to spin, and I stood suddenly, almost spilling onto the floor. I grabbed the coffee table to steady myself, my face cold and pale.
“Excuse me for a minute.” I said politely, my hands clasped over my mouth, and running quickly to the bathroom before I could vomit.
I just made it to the toilet in the nick of time. When I was finished, I flushed, then walked to the sink to splash cold water on my face. I had been so sick lately, with all this stress in my life as of late, who could blame me?
I stared into my reflection, resisting the urge to punch the glass. Why did Melody have to find me and involve me in her drama. My mother made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me, and I had intended to respect her wishes, wanting nothing to do with the woman who wished she would have aborted me. She could go fuck herself as far as I was concerned. But what about Melody and Mason? I thought feeling another surge of pity. Not your problem, Madeline. I thought. But it was now, Melody had placed me right in the middle of it, her concern for her little brother very evident.
With one last look at my reflection I headed back out into the living room.
Melody was standing, her hands on her hips giving me a little smirk. “What are you pregnant or something?” She laughed.
My stomach dropped down into my shoes. What? That thought had never occurred to me until now, what with all the other shitty things going on in my life. Pregnant? No, I couldn’t be. It was nerves. That’s all it was, a bad case of the nerves.
I laughed in response. “I’ve been sick. It’s the flu, that’s all it is.” I said confidently. It has to be. I can’t be pregnant. You don’t need this shit right now Madeline!
“Yeah whatever, don’t breathe on me.” Melody stepped back a few steps holding out her fingers in the shape of an X like I was walking breathing petri dish full of the Ebola virus or something.
“So can you help me?” Melody asked hopefully. “I know how she treated you, and I would never ask if it wasn’t so important. It’s not just about saving their marriage, I understand that is probably over. It’s about Mason. Our little brother. He’s so young and doesn’t need to see our mother like this. I’ve tried everything. I flushed her drugs down the toilet and you should have seen her reaction. The drugs turn her into an animal. I’m honestly afraid she could hurt Mason and I.”
“I don’t know how I can help, but I’ll try my best. But please understand that this might not work out the way you want it too. Sometimes people are just too far gone, no matter how hard you try.”
“I hope not.” Melody said quietly, looking up at me gratefully. “Mason needs his mom. He’s young enough to still need his mother. As for me, I lost her a long time ago.”
Sounds like we have something in common after all, I thought sadly.
“Thanks Madeline, for everything.” Melody said, taking me completely off guard by wrapping me in a hug. She smelled like expensive vanilla perfume, and shampoo. I closed my eyes and accepted the hug, knowing it would be rude to push her away.
I patted her back awkwardly. “Don’t thank me yet. She might not even be willing to talk to me, but I’ll try. Ok? That’s the best I can offer.”
“I got to get going.” Melody reached down to pick up her purse on the floor. “Mason has school tomorrow, and I need to make sure he’s got his lunch packed, and make sure he gets a bath before bed. He’s a good kid.” Melody’s eyes shown with pride. “That’s why this is so important to me. This isn’t for me, it’s for Mason.”
With one last smile, Melody was out the door, the smell of her perfume lingered like a cloud long after she left.
I stared at the door for what seemed like forever after Melody left. I didn’t know what to think. Chances were Melissa, I couldn’t stomach calling her mother, wouldn’t even talk to me. What did Melody expect for me to accomplish?
I hardly knew my half-sister, and I’ve never met my young half-brother, but from what I’ve seen despite Melody’s valley girl exterior lay a heart of gold and genuine concern for her little brother. I hoped I could help, and that it wasn’t too late for Melissa…
Another wave of Nausea brought me back to realty, making me focus on other problems. Was this nausea I’d been experiencing morning sickness?
I grabbed my check book and left my apartment wishing I would have asked Melody for a ride to the supermarket. I was going to buy a pregnancy test to put my mind at ease. There was no way I could be pregnant! After all, Mika and I only slept together once, even I couldn’t be that unlucky. Could I?
I ran my hands over my flat stomach. No, it just wasn’t possible.
“Wait here, I’ll only be a minute.” I said to the cab driver as I pulled open the car door. I hurried across the parking lot, eager to get this over with. The bright lights from the corner convenience store hurt my tired sore eyes as I pushed open the door.
My face flooded with shame as I placed the pregnancy test in front of the bored looking store cashier.
“It’s not me, it’s for a friend.” I blurted, my face as red as a fire engine.
The clerk yawned, a pimply looking highschool kid with frizzy curly hair. He looked down at the pregnancy test like he had just noticed it for the first time. “Yeah sure. Whatever.”
“22.38” He yawned, popping his gum loudly looking completely disinterested. Jesus, I thought. Pretty expensive for something you’re just going to pee on.
I tossed him a twenty-dollar bill, and a five, leaving me with fifteen dollars to get through the week. Fantastic.
“Best use with first morning urine.” I muttered reading the directions on the back, and unwrapping the foil package. There was no way in hell I was waiting until morning, I had to know now, or I’d never get to sleep!
I peed on the stick, capped the test strip and set it down on the counter to wait for the results. I crossed my fingers tightly. Both hands for extra luck. “Be negative, be negative…” I chanted squeezing my eyes shut in silent desperation.
It was the longest ten minutes of my life, and I resisted the urge not to stare at the test strip window until it confirmed what I hoped would be a negative result. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I could hardly take care of myself, and my life was so full of drama, and the last thing I needed was to bring a baby into it. Not that I wouldn’t love my child. I would be ten times the mother that Melissa was, and I would love my child and protect him or her with my life. I just wasn’t ready, and I doubt Mika was either!
Mika! I thought with a start. He would be so shocked. He would probably hate me, and want nothing to do with me or the baby. And what about Riley? He would think I was the biggest whore this side of the Mississippi.
“Time’s up.” I muttered looking at my watch, feeling dread well up from the pit of my stomach. I stared at the counter like it would bite me. What did the directions say? One line for negative, and two for positive? I stared down at the counter feeling my heart pound. Two lines. Fuck. Me.
The pregnancy test fell from my hands and clattered to the floor. With my back against the tiled bathroom wall I slid to the floor curling up into a little ball next to the toilet. What the hell was I going to do now? I was pregnant. I knew deep down it wasn’t a false positive, I could feel it. Deep down, I knew. How on earth was I going to tell Mika?