1.8 Life is Complicated

This chapter is rated R for Adult content and suggestive situations and dialog

Author’s note:  This chapter has a dream sequence and flash back pictures. Pardon my crappy photo editing. I’m not that good at it. 😦 LOL.  I hope it makes sense the way the pictures look, and doesn’t take away anything from the story….

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I tossed and turned fitfully in my bed, unable to get comfortable, flitting in and out of dreams one after another.  In my dream I was weighing the pro’s and cons of Mika and Riley in my head, and I had to say they were evenly matched, which was beyond frustrating.  The dream ended and I shifted automatically into another….more….unsettling dream….

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dream1

“Choose me Madeline.  I love you the most.  You’re the most beautiful amazing woman I have ever met in my life.  Besides, I have seen you naked.” Mika whispered leaning close to touch my chin gently, before pressing his lips gently to mine.

“Why am I wearing this dress?” I asked puzzled, looking down at the satiny fabric that rustled when I moved.

“This is a dream my love, just go with it.” Mika whispered giving me a sexy smile, that caused my insides to flutter like a thousand butterflies dwelled in my abdomen.

“Well if this is just a dream then, what the hell.  You look hot in a tux.”  I leaned  forward again for another mind melting searing kiss that caused those butterflies too stir once again.

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“Get your hands off my woman you fiend.” Riley said hoarsely his voice raw with emotion.  I turned to look at him, one hand on my hip.

“There is enough of me to go around.” I smiled at Riley and licked my lips.  I had to admit this was one of the best dreams I’d ever had.

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His arms were hot as they circled around my body.  His soft hands ran up and down my back sending shivers down my spine.  His lips were hot when I touched mine to his, and I sighed with bliss when his tongue swept against mine, causing a fire to ignite down low in my stomach.

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“You don’t have to choose, you can have us both, Madeline.” Mika said from behind me as I deepened the kiss with Riley.  I smiled, this sounded like it could get interesting…

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My bra and panties were ripped from my body and two pairs of hot hands ran over my heated skin.  Finally I lowered myself to my mattress and gazed at Mika and Riley as they stood before me in their manly glory.  I licked my lips eager for a little sandwich action.  Why not?  After all, it was just a dream…

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“Holy shit!” I woke up with a start the sheets twisted around me were damp with sweat.   What a dream, I thought.  Madeline, you are a slut.  A horrible slutty slut. I berated myself, sitting up and pushing the heavy covers that entangled me like a fly in a spider’s web.  I leaned forward resting my head on my knees and closed my eyes, focusing on deep breathing and getting my racing heart to settle down into a normal rhythm.  “Wow what a dream…” I muttered into my knees, still feeling like the worlds biggest slut, not that I imagine I was the first woman in the world to ever have a sex dream where she was the meat in the middle of a man sandwich.  None the less, the dream was a first for me.

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I squeezed my eyes shut a headache starting to form at my temples.  I rubbed my forehead and sighed.  What the hell are you going to do now, Madeline, I thought.  How do you even get into these situations? 

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I leaned back onto my bed staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression, my mind drifting back to last night after Mika had left, leaving Riley and I alone…What the hell was I going to do?

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“Your sorry?” I exclaimed, shocked.  I looked up at Riley with wide eyes, and let out a bitter laugh.  “Now you’re sorry?”

“I should have listened to you.” Riley said looking down at the floor then back up to meet my eyes earnestly.

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“You think?” I said in a slightly bitter tone, causing Riley to flinch.

“It’s ok-I deserved that.” He said quietly, he stepped forward.  “Is it too late for you to forgive me?”

“You might as well come in and sit down.” I said stepping back and motioning towards the couch.  I didn’t know what to think.  As good as it felt to hear Riley say the words “I’m sorry, you were right.” It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would.  Deep down I was still hurt that he would believe Zoe over me.  Zoe, the one who made lying an art form.

“Thank you.” Riley smiled at me, and sat down on the couch.  I winced inwardly when he sat in the exact same spot that Mika had vacated only minutes before.

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“So what caused this big revelation for you to come here and tell me you’re sorry?” I asked leaning forward with my hands on my bare thighs.  Had I known that I was going to be so popular tonight I would have made sure to wear something nicer.

“After I left Zoe’s that night, I had a feeling there was more to the story than Zoe let on.  She is a good actress I’ll give her that, but as good as she was there was something not quite right.  So last night I went back to Zoe’s and found the vase of flowers I had left you.  Now, you claimed you never received them, yet I recognized them instantly on the kitchen table, no note.  Same exact vase.  When I asked Zoe about them, it was like a Doctor Jekyll, and Mr. Hyde moment.  She got extremely defensive, and went off on me like dynamite.”

I looked away.  “Yeah that sounds like Zoe.” I laughed.  “So that’s what happened to the flowers.  Zoe must have found them first, and ripped up the note so I didn’t get them.  Sounds like something she would do.”

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“Madeline.  Who was that guy that just left?” Riley looked at me, looking slightly worried as he chewed on his bottom lip.  “Is he-?”

“My boyfriend? No.” I let out a laugh, guilt blazing through my body, even though I wasn’t exactly lying.  “He’s just a friend, and we kissed.  It was a mistake.”

Riley smiled, his golden eyes lighting up his face.  “So your saying there’s a chance?”

I turned so he wouldn’t see the look of guilt and confusion that crossed my face, even though Mika and I weren’t together, there definitely was something between us, or at least there could be, and if I was being honest with myself I really wanted there to be.  I fumbled with  my fingers in my lap.  That’s where things got confusing.  I really liked Riley too.  He was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend, and on paper he was perfect, and if I was being honest again with myself, on paper he was much more of a suitable match then Mika.

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“So you forgive me then?” I said finally, feeling my eyes start to burn with unshed tears.

“Forgive you?” Riley said huskily.  “You have nothing to be forgiven for.  I understand why you didn’t tell me about your mom.  That’s not something you just come out and say after only a few dates.  I acted impulsively seeing you dressed up like that in the bad part of town, then after what Zoe said, I mean…can you blame me?” Riley threw his hands up in the air with a little laugh.

“You could have at least listened to my side of the story before believing Zoe, you didn’t even know her.” I said stonily, staring at the wall.  I had to admit it still hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Riley said simply.  I turned to look at him directly in the eyes, he looked sincere, his golden eyes unwavering as they gazed into mine.

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My breath hitched in my throat as he scooted towards me on the couch, putting his arm around my shoulder pulling me close.  I closed my tired eyes and lay my head on his shoulder.  For being as muscular as he was, he sure felt comfortable.

Maybe this is what I need, I thought feeling secure in Riley’s arms.  Riley is a great guy, he has a great job, owns his own home, and volunteers to the youth shelter in his free time! What do you know about Mika anyways?  He works in a bar, and he’s good in bed.  I mentally ticked off the things I knew about Mika in my mind.

Guilt flared in my stomach causing me to feel slightly ill, as I remembered Janice’s words, not to be so quick to dismiss Mika.  And that’s exactly what I was doing.  I was no better than Riley for dismissing me so quickly choosing to believe Zoe over me.

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“Riley-I.”  I started.  I was going to tell him everything, and if it sent him running to the hills, then so be it.  He at least deserved to know I slept with Mika and I had feelings for him, but I had to be honest with him, and myself.

“Shhhh…”Riley whispered, pressing his thumb against my bottom lip and held it there, looking deep into my eyes.  This was so conflicting, and I felt like I was being tugged in two different directions.  Riley and Mika may have each held a small piece of my heart in their hands and were playing tug of war with it.  “You don’t need to say your sorry.” Riley smiled.

I frowned, hadn’t I already done that?  Besides, shouldn’t he be the one who was sorry, even though he had already expressed that he was.  Still I felt as though I was the one who needed to apologize.

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All thoughts of Mika flew out the window and scattered on the wind as Riley lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me.  Our first real kiss, was everything I thought it would be, and more.  His hands gently pressed into my shoulders, slightly messaging them, while his mouth eagerly, yet gently probed mine.  Energy surged up and down my spine causing my toes to curl.

This is wrong, a little voice in my head said.  You were kissing Mika here in this very same spot twenty minutes ago!  My brain screamed.  If I had a pillow I would have smothered the little devil on my shoulder with it for the doubts in my mind he caused, because kissing Riley felt so right.  How could something that was so right, feel so wrong?

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We finally came up for air after what seemed like hours of a mind melting make out session.  My skin around my chin felt raw from rubbing against Riley’s stubble, and my cheeks felt raw and puffy.  altogether it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

“I hate to do this, but I have to get going.” Riley said giving me a kiss on the forehead, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his hot lips pressing against my forehead.  “I have to be up early for work, and then I promised the kids I would stop by the youth shelter.”

I made a big show of yawning and stretching my arms over my head, even though I wasn’t the least bit tired.  “That’s ok, I’m really tired as well.” I lied.

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I followed Riley to the door, sad to have him leave, but also happy at the thought of being alone with my thoughts.  I had a lot to think about tonight….

Riley pressed his lips to mine, taking me completely off guard, but it wasn’t unwelcome.  I returned the kiss whole heartedly, pressing my body tight against his.  Sleeping with Mika had awoken the carnal woman in me, and now I know how it felt, I wanted more.

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He ended the kiss early, leaving me slightly disappointed.  He gave me a chaste peck on the cheek and gave me a friendly hug.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Riley promised.  “I’ll take you out to dinner. Would you like that?”

I nodded, not trusting myself with words at this moment.

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Riley gave me one last smile and disappeared though the door leaving me alone.

Oh Madeline, what the hell have you gotten yourself into….I thought wanting to cry as I stared down at the carpet.  This whole love triangle thing is not you.  This is wrong.  So wrong.

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I finally crawled out of bed, there was no way I’d be able to sleep.  Not after the dreams I had of Mika and Riley.  Distantly  I wondered why in my dream Mika was naked and Riley was not.  Was that my subconscious brain remembering what Mika looked like naked, and since I hadn’t seen Riley naked, my subconscious gave him boxer briefs to wear.  I laughed, the sound loud in the quite of my apartment except for the sound of the refrigerator which hummed loudly and rattled against the wall.

My brain was full of thoughts, and I needed an outlet, something comforting like an old familiar blanket.  I pulled out my old lap top that hadn’t seen much action since I arrived in North Port.

I didn’t have internet, I was to broke to afford the internet, but sometimes on a clear night I could steal some wi-fi from a neighbor, although it was as slow as hell.

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When the computer finally loaded and I browsed through my folders, re-reading all the past stories I had written.  Longing flared deep in my gut when I remembered how great it felt when I was writing.  Lost in a good story all the problems in my life seemed to disappear as I gave life to my characters.

The dream of being an author was not lost to me, it had long since been buried in the drama of recent events, but it flared up in me now, hot and bright.  I was full of ideas.  It was like a light-bulb went on in my brain.

My fingers were itching to write.  I opened up a new document and just started writing….

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All the drama from the past few weeks disappeared, and I felt alive, something that I hadn’t felt since I had moved to North Port.  I poured a huge glass of coffee and continued writing…

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Time passed quickly as I typed.  Through the curtained window behind me, the dark star lit sky lightened slowly, finally giving way to a blazing orange that signaled the arrival of a brand new day.  I finally shut my lap top.  Ten chapters in.  I was proud of what I had written so far.  Now that I was finished writing, for now.  The thoughts of Mika and Riley came back rushing to the surface, causing me to feel light-headed and a little nauseated.

I had no idea how to choose between them, but it was wrong to see them both.  I knew that, but how on earth was I going to choose between the two men in my life?  When did life get so complicated?

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54 thoughts on “1.8 Life is Complicated

  1. Wow! What a dream! “You don’t have to chose, you can have us both…” *Fanning myself* When see woke up I was thinking “Go back Madeline!” Oh well 🙂

    How in the world is she going to figure this out? I, personally like Mika better. I don’t know why but that’s how I feel. It’s going to be fun watching her try to figure this out!

  2. Ouu this will definitely be a very difficult thing to figure out! I don’t think what Maddy is doing is wrong. She’s not in an exclusive relationship with either of them. I think she should date both of them until she really knows who she wants.

    Great chapter! Can’t wait to see what happens next! 😀

    • You are correct. Madeline isn’t in any kind of exclusive relationship with either Mika or Riley, but she just feels bad not making a choice. Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂

  3. Oooooh poor maddy! I really like Riley, but Mika seems like such a nice guy. I hope that neither of them find out about this, even though she isn’t in a real relationship with either of them. Anyways this is a really great story! Can’t wait to read more!!

    • Thank you so much for the comment! I’m glad you are enjoying the story! 🙂 Yes, Madeline does like them both, but is not obligated to either of them in anyway, yet its still a tough decision to make as she doesn’t want to hurt either of them, or make the wrong choice.

  4. … Madeline you naughty girl! X3 That was really a sexuall dream all right, but man! They both look good 😀 Now comes the problem with two boys…. hmm… I hope that she doesn’t dismiss Mika just like that, but give him a chance since he seems a very nice guy. Riley though… give it a shot, see how things turns out. But it’s so clear that she is attracted to them both. This became a freaking triangle of drama and I’m so exited for the next chapter! 🙂

    • LOL. I’m glad you liked the dream. I had fun with it. The hardest part like I said in the comment above was placing the poses just so where you couldn’t see Mika’s dangly bits. >.< Yes, Madeline is attracted to both, and is definitely going to have to do some decision making soon. 🙂 Glad you are excited for the next chapter, I'm aiming for it to be out next week as I have to work the next 5 days in a row, two of them doubles, although the next chapter is already pre-written, I just need to take pictures and do some scene set up. Thanks so much for commenting!

  5. Well I think since Mika woke the woman in her she should stick with him. Riley is too judgmental and quick to make snap decisions. Her kissing Riley just seemed wrong to me. I cringed inside and when he after the makeout session I have to go? Wth was with that? lol Oh well if she does end up with Riley I could get used to it I guess, but I don’t want to have to lol.

  6. Interesting dream I have to say! That definitely makes the choice harder when you’re picturing them naked 😉

    But, I’d go with Riley…or least I hope she stays in touch with him 🙂 I was excited to see this in my reader tonight!

    • Yes, I always root for the underdog also. Mika definitely is the under dog in this situation. Riley has a lot of things going for him that at the first glance makes him the better choice.

  7. Shit, man. I’m so torn on who to root for. But good on you Maddie for exploring your options! 20 minutes is a bit on the edge though, especially for a bookstore gal 😉 Can’t wait for the next one!

  8. I think Madeline should go with Riley since she’s got a deeper connection with him. Mika was who she picked up as a rebound when she was mad at Riley. LOL of course, you’re the writer, so whatever you go with will be what Madeline should do. 😀

    • Madeline does have a deep connection with Riley, and doesn’t know Mika very well. Its a very tough decision, and eventually she’ll learn a lot about both men, good and bad. Thanks so much for the comment!

  9. This is getting good, how can Madeline choose between those two!! I think she should take the time to get to know Mika better. I don’t know what it is but there is something I don’t like about Riley.
    I think a storyline where she thinks she has lost them both only to find love with the better one later would work well. (hope that makes sense!)

  10. She doesn’t have to choose. I’ll do it for her. Mika. Mika all the way. What’s his face seems too perfect. Clearly there’s something wrong with him. ijs

  11. Ooft! Holy cow! This part was rather… raunchy! What a dream… Poor Maddy, she seriously needs to make a choice. To be honest, MIKA! I mean, Riley is clearly lovely, but nice guys like that? *Yawn* he was so quick to ditch her. I dunno, Mika is sexxxxxy 😉 Keep it up! Lovin’ it!

    • Yeah that was a raunchy dream. I wish I could have one of those in real life. LOL. Yes, You are right on the fact that Mika is the better choice. Riley is a nice guy, but he’s too nice, and obviously those types can’t be trusted. LOL. Thanks for reading 🙂

  12. Still rooting for Mika. There’s something about Riley that has my spidey senses tingling. Not sure what it is, but I don’t trust him as much as Mika for some reason. Loved the dream sequence, and as long as Madeline is open with both Mika and Riley that they’re not exclusive, I don’t see why she couldn’t date both. More fun story-wise. 😉

    • Glad you liked the dream! That was so much fun to do, even if taking the pictures was sort of a pain since they had to be angled in such a way so you couldn’t see the dangly bits. Thanks for the comment!

  13. lol. Lady, you do not learn from your mistakes. Slow the hell down. You barely know EITHER of these boys. They could both be horrible people. You can try to be friends and THEN wonder about trying to choose one…

    Though, seriously, I really wish I had EVER had this problem. I’ve spent most of my life being completely overlooked by guys (in their defense, it’s totally understandable, I’ve only escaped my own little reality it probably the last 5 years).

    That being said, I totally know how she feels about the dream. I still feel like a total slut when I have kinky dreams. My subconscious is much more lewd then my conscious self.

    • No doubt. I’d love to have this problem as well, and you are right. She does need to slow down, she doesn’t know either of them very well, your on the money on that one. I’ve also had kinky dreams before, but where Madeline felt shame, I just was like..awesome!

  14. You did great editing the pictures 🙂 Oh where do I begin with Maddy? I really hope she doesn’t entertain the love triangle thing for too long or else she’ll end up lonely with they find out. Unlike her dream I doubt the boys will be so eager to share her in real life. She has to get her stuff together quick. On the bright side, she has plenty of information for writing a novel now lol.

    • Thank you! I don’t have Photoshop or anything, so I always worry about how they look. You are right about the love triange situation. Those are never a good idea, because you will eventually get caught and end up alone. I’m sure her dream gave her plenty ideas to write about! Haha. Thanks for the comment! 🙂

  15. Wow what a dream! The pictures look great! Love triangles are never a good idea, poor Madeline needs to get her stuff together and quick.

  16. That was one heck of a dream. I’d love to dream like that at night!

    And quit bashing your own photo-editing skills! You did wonderful!

    Gah! I liked Riley so much. Even after witnessing her making out with some other guy, he still wants to make amends. And smooch. On the same couch that Maddie had been making out with some other guy on. Which actually might be a little bit weird now that I think of it…

  17. What a mess and what a dream!

    There’s something about Riley that I don’t like. I think it’s the comment he made when she was going to tell him about sleeping with Mika and he cuts her off telling her she didn’t have to apologize. Her feelings that he made her feel like she had too.

    Even though she knows Riley better I still like Mika better. I think he has a little more respect for her than Riley does.

  18. I think I like Mika more, but it’s difficult to say because to be honest, Madeline doesn’t really know either of them right now. No wonder it’s so hard for her to make a decision! Riley is a little bit off-putting though, although I can’t really put my finger on why. Maybe I still have a bitter taste left in my mouth after the whole Zoe thing, or maybe he just feels a bit, well, cocky to me. I don’t know and I’m eager to find out what happens, haha.

    Seriously so glad I found this blog! XD

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