1.8 Life is Complicated
This chapter is rated R for Adult content and suggestive situations and dialog
Author’s note: This chapter has a dream sequence and flash back pictures. Pardon my crappy photo editing. I’m not that good at it. 😦 LOL. I hope it makes sense the way the pictures look, and doesn’t take away anything from the story….
I tossed and turned fitfully in my bed, unable to get comfortable, flitting in and out of dreams one after another. In my dream I was weighing the pro’s and cons of Mika and Riley in my head, and I had to say they were evenly matched, which was beyond frustrating. The dream ended and I shifted automatically into another….more….unsettling dream….
“Choose me Madeline. I love you the most. You’re the most beautiful amazing woman I have ever met in my life. Besides, I have seen you naked.” Mika whispered leaning close to touch my chin gently, before pressing his lips gently to mine.
“Why am I wearing this dress?” I asked puzzled, looking down at the satiny fabric that rustled when I moved.
“This is a dream my love, just go with it.” Mika whispered giving me a sexy smile, that caused my insides to flutter like a thousand butterflies dwelled in my abdomen.
“Well if this is just a dream then, what the hell. You look hot in a tux.” I leaned forward again for another mind melting searing kiss that caused those butterflies too stir once again.
“Get your hands off my woman you fiend.” Riley said hoarsely his voice raw with emotion. I turned to look at him, one hand on my hip.
“There is enough of me to go around.” I smiled at Riley and licked my lips. I had to admit this was one of the best dreams I’d ever had.
His arms were hot as they circled around my body. His soft hands ran up and down my back sending shivers down my spine. His lips were hot when I touched mine to his, and I sighed with bliss when his tongue swept against mine, causing a fire to ignite down low in my stomach.
“You don’t have to choose, you can have us both, Madeline.” Mika said from behind me as I deepened the kiss with Riley. I smiled, this sounded like it could get interesting…
My bra and panties were ripped from my body and two pairs of hot hands ran over my heated skin. Finally I lowered myself to my mattress and gazed at Mika and Riley as they stood before me in their manly glory. I licked my lips eager for a little sandwich action. Why not? After all, it was just a dream…
“Holy shit!” I woke up with a start the sheets twisted around me were damp with sweat. What a dream, I thought. Madeline, you are a slut. A horrible slutty slut. I berated myself, sitting up and pushing the heavy covers that entangled me like a fly in a spider’s web. I leaned forward resting my head on my knees and closed my eyes, focusing on deep breathing and getting my racing heart to settle down into a normal rhythm. “Wow what a dream…” I muttered into my knees, still feeling like the worlds biggest slut, not that I imagine I was the first woman in the world to ever have a sex dream where she was the meat in the middle of a man sandwich. None the less, the dream was a first for me.
I squeezed my eyes shut a headache starting to form at my temples. I rubbed my forehead and sighed. What the hell are you going to do now, Madeline, I thought. How do you even get into these situations?
I leaned back onto my bed staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression, my mind drifting back to last night after Mika had left, leaving Riley and I alone…What the hell was I going to do?
“Your sorry?” I exclaimed, shocked. I looked up at Riley with wide eyes, and let out a bitter laugh. “Now you’re sorry?”
“I should have listened to you.” Riley said looking down at the floor then back up to meet my eyes earnestly.
“You think?” I said in a slightly bitter tone, causing Riley to flinch.
“It’s ok-I deserved that.” He said quietly, he stepped forward. “Is it too late for you to forgive me?”
“You might as well come in and sit down.” I said stepping back and motioning towards the couch. I didn’t know what to think. As good as it felt to hear Riley say the words “I’m sorry, you were right.” It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. Deep down I was still hurt that he would believe Zoe over me. Zoe, the one who made lying an art form.
“Thank you.” Riley smiled at me, and sat down on the couch. I winced inwardly when he sat in the exact same spot that Mika had vacated only minutes before.
“So what caused this big revelation for you to come here and tell me you’re sorry?” I asked leaning forward with my hands on my bare thighs. Had I known that I was going to be so popular tonight I would have made sure to wear something nicer.
“After I left Zoe’s that night, I had a feeling there was more to the story than Zoe let on. She is a good actress I’ll give her that, but as good as she was there was something not quite right. So last night I went back to Zoe’s and found the vase of flowers I had left you. Now, you claimed you never received them, yet I recognized them instantly on the kitchen table, no note. Same exact vase. When I asked Zoe about them, it was like a Doctor Jekyll, and Mr. Hyde moment. She got extremely defensive, and went off on me like dynamite.”
I looked away. “Yeah that sounds like Zoe.” I laughed. “So that’s what happened to the flowers. Zoe must have found them first, and ripped up the note so I didn’t get them. Sounds like something she would do.”
“Madeline. Who was that guy that just left?” Riley looked at me, looking slightly worried as he chewed on his bottom lip. “Is he-?”
“My boyfriend? No.” I let out a laugh, guilt blazing through my body, even though I wasn’t exactly lying. “He’s just a friend, and we kissed. It was a mistake.”
Riley smiled, his golden eyes lighting up his face. “So your saying there’s a chance?”
I turned so he wouldn’t see the look of guilt and confusion that crossed my face, even though Mika and I weren’t together, there definitely was something between us, or at least there could be, and if I was being honest with myself I really wanted there to be. I fumbled with my fingers in my lap. That’s where things got confusing. I really liked Riley too. He was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend, and on paper he was perfect, and if I was being honest again with myself, on paper he was much more of a suitable match then Mika.
“So you forgive me then?” I said finally, feeling my eyes start to burn with unshed tears.
“Forgive you?” Riley said huskily. “You have nothing to be forgiven for. I understand why you didn’t tell me about your mom. That’s not something you just come out and say after only a few dates. I acted impulsively seeing you dressed up like that in the bad part of town, then after what Zoe said, I mean…can you blame me?” Riley threw his hands up in the air with a little laugh.
“You could have at least listened to my side of the story before believing Zoe, you didn’t even know her.” I said stonily, staring at the wall. I had to admit it still hurt.
“I’m sorry.” Riley said simply. I turned to look at him directly in the eyes, he looked sincere, his golden eyes unwavering as they gazed into mine.
My breath hitched in my throat as he scooted towards me on the couch, putting his arm around my shoulder pulling me close. I closed my tired eyes and lay my head on his shoulder. For being as muscular as he was, he sure felt comfortable.
Maybe this is what I need, I thought feeling secure in Riley’s arms. Riley is a great guy, he has a great job, owns his own home, and volunteers to the youth shelter in his free time! What do you know about Mika anyways? He works in a bar, and he’s good in bed. I mentally ticked off the things I knew about Mika in my mind.
Guilt flared in my stomach causing me to feel slightly ill, as I remembered Janice’s words, not to be so quick to dismiss Mika. And that’s exactly what I was doing. I was no better than Riley for dismissing me so quickly choosing to believe Zoe over me.
“Riley-I.” I started. I was going to tell him everything, and if it sent him running to the hills, then so be it. He at least deserved to know I slept with Mika and I had feelings for him, but I had to be honest with him, and myself.
“Shhhh…”Riley whispered, pressing his thumb against my bottom lip and held it there, looking deep into my eyes. This was so conflicting, and I felt like I was being tugged in two different directions. Riley and Mika may have each held a small piece of my heart in their hands and were playing tug of war with it. “You don’t need to say your sorry.” Riley smiled.
I frowned, hadn’t I already done that? Besides, shouldn’t he be the one who was sorry, even though he had already expressed that he was. Still I felt as though I was the one who needed to apologize.
All thoughts of Mika flew out the window and scattered on the wind as Riley lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me. Our first real kiss, was everything I thought it would be, and more. His hands gently pressed into my shoulders, slightly messaging them, while his mouth eagerly, yet gently probed mine. Energy surged up and down my spine causing my toes to curl.
This is wrong, a little voice in my head said. You were kissing Mika here in this very same spot twenty minutes ago! My brain screamed. If I had a pillow I would have smothered the little devil on my shoulder with it for the doubts in my mind he caused, because kissing Riley felt so right. How could something that was so right, feel so wrong?
We finally came up for air after what seemed like hours of a mind melting make out session. My skin around my chin felt raw from rubbing against Riley’s stubble, and my cheeks felt raw and puffy. altogether it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.
“I hate to do this, but I have to get going.” Riley said giving me a kiss on the forehead, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his hot lips pressing against my forehead. “I have to be up early for work, and then I promised the kids I would stop by the youth shelter.”
I made a big show of yawning and stretching my arms over my head, even though I wasn’t the least bit tired. “That’s ok, I’m really tired as well.” I lied.
I followed Riley to the door, sad to have him leave, but also happy at the thought of being alone with my thoughts. I had a lot to think about tonight….
Riley pressed his lips to mine, taking me completely off guard, but it wasn’t unwelcome. I returned the kiss whole heartedly, pressing my body tight against his. Sleeping with Mika had awoken the carnal woman in me, and now I know how it felt, I wanted more.
He ended the kiss early, leaving me slightly disappointed. He gave me a chaste peck on the cheek and gave me a friendly hug.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Riley promised. “I’ll take you out to dinner. Would you like that?”
I nodded, not trusting myself with words at this moment.
Riley gave me one last smile and disappeared though the door leaving me alone.
Oh Madeline, what the hell have you gotten yourself into….I thought wanting to cry as I stared down at the carpet. This whole love triangle thing is not you. This is wrong. So wrong.
I finally crawled out of bed, there was no way I’d be able to sleep. Not after the dreams I had of Mika and Riley. Distantly I wondered why in my dream Mika was naked and Riley was not. Was that my subconscious brain remembering what Mika looked like naked, and since I hadn’t seen Riley naked, my subconscious gave him boxer briefs to wear. I laughed, the sound loud in the quite of my apartment except for the sound of the refrigerator which hummed loudly and rattled against the wall.
My brain was full of thoughts, and I needed an outlet, something comforting like an old familiar blanket. I pulled out my old lap top that hadn’t seen much action since I arrived in North Port.
I didn’t have internet, I was to broke to afford the internet, but sometimes on a clear night I could steal some wi-fi from a neighbor, although it was as slow as hell.
When the computer finally loaded and I browsed through my folders, re-reading all the past stories I had written. Longing flared deep in my gut when I remembered how great it felt when I was writing. Lost in a good story all the problems in my life seemed to disappear as I gave life to my characters.
The dream of being an author was not lost to me, it had long since been buried in the drama of recent events, but it flared up in me now, hot and bright. I was full of ideas. It was like a light-bulb went on in my brain.
My fingers were itching to write. I opened up a new document and just started writing….
All the drama from the past few weeks disappeared, and I felt alive, something that I hadn’t felt since I had moved to North Port. I poured a huge glass of coffee and continued writing…
Time passed quickly as I typed. Through the curtained window behind me, the dark star lit sky lightened slowly, finally giving way to a blazing orange that signaled the arrival of a brand new day. I finally shut my lap top. Ten chapters in. I was proud of what I had written so far. Now that I was finished writing, for now. The thoughts of Mika and Riley came back rushing to the surface, causing me to feel light-headed and a little nauseated.
I had no idea how to choose between them, but it was wrong to see them both. I knew that, but how on earth was I going to choose between the two men in my life? When did life get so complicated?